Hello

Oct 1st 1997, was my fourth trip to the GP's in as many weeks. Each time I would explain my situation to the young GP who had never met me before. 

 

I detailed that I had a long-standing history of anorexia and bulimia and had returned from University leaving my dreams of a degree in tatters despite my A's at A -level. I stated that I had gained so much weight that I no longer would see my friends and I was at odds with myself, my appetite I used to be able to control, I no longer could, and the energy I used to have to exercise had deserted me. 

 

The GP assumed incorrectly that I was just an anorexic "who thought she was fat", and a referral was made yet again to the psychiatrist for eating disorders. 

 

Only following a phonecall from my mother stating that eating disorders were not the issue here AT ALL, that the weight gain was REAL and this was either an abdominal tumour growing at the rate and shape of a baby, or I was pregnant. 

 

On that appointment on Oct 1st 1997, my concerns regarding my REAL weight gain were finally taken seriously and correctly addressed and it was determined I was over 32 weeks pregnant. 

 

The reason I had no idea I had been pregnant all this time was that I was the victim unbeknown to myself of a well-orchestrated drug rape, and in tandem with my ammenhorea, the pregnancy just had not been known about. 

 

It was a lot to take in, and worse was to come.

 

On Oct 3rd 1997, my world fell apart when I was informed that my child had a fatal birth defect and was not viable with life. The child would either be stillborn or have a maximum life expectancy of maybe 12 hours. 

 

There ensued appointments here and there, at the hospital. On Oct 8th 1997, this pre-planned appointment came up regarding the eating disorders referral and my mother was against the whole thing. She spoke to the GP who advised that the psychiatrist was a kindly man, and could change the remit of the appointment to our current issues. 

 

Nothing could be further from the truth, and exactly ONE WEEK after finding out I was a rape victim, I became a victim of the Dr Kehoe's, as well. 

 

My mother said this and only this:  “We appreciate the appointment is about eating disorders but we don't want to discuss any of that. Claire has just found out she is pregnant, she's just found out she's been raped, and she's just found out her child will die. She is eating fine but we do not want to talk about eating disorders. “

 

Much of this Kehoe already knew about from the updated details from the GP and the obstetrician. 

 

To that he showed no emotion to the human tragedy that we were navigating, instead, he said "So when did you start starving yourself?"

 

My mother politely explained we were leaving and we did, while she wiped away my tears. 

 

In retaliation., for us walking out on the narcissist, Kehoe falsified my medical notes claiming I had attempted suicide 2 weeks ago, and that I had ACTUALLY concealed the pregnancy. 

 

Following the birth and death of my child, it was likely no surprise to Kehoe that I'd be back on his books ready for further abuse.  

 

I became suicidal and was admitted to the ward he ran. There the notes would be horrendously falsified by all his staff. Once again they changed their handwritten notes of my being unaware I was pregnant to that I had concealed the pregnancy. They wrote the reasons I had done this was because I wanted to take illegal drugs and that "I took all drugs other than heroin including during my pregnancy."  I was raped at a friend's house, which they correctly originally noted but they then falsified the notes to say I had no friends, I could not get on with anyone and that I had been raped at a party. The notes they falsified make it clear in a very objective manner that I was to blame for killing my baby. 

 

I want you to try and imagine the pain that this causes to a rape victim, who knew nothing of her plight or pregnancy and to the mother of a deceased child. I was specifically told by a consultant neo-natal paediatrician when I questioned her as to my hand in this disaster that none of this was my fault, and I must not blame myself as this kind of birth defect is more often than not due to genetics and lack of folic acid and I was blameless since I did not know I was pregnant and therefore could make no changes to my lifestyle. 

 

Most of the staff took part in these known about falsifications clearly guided in multi-disciplinary team meetings to write a pack of lies. I and my parents were interviewed at length, and this is no mistake, it's pure known about malice, where what I said is later obliterated by lies in my absence. 

 

The notes have been classified as a criminal offence, which they are. I signed papers for my medical records to strengthen my rape case when in fact, they all but destroyed them, The notes and report they wrote make a mockery of my police statement, which the DS and DC stated was astonishing for its detail. Especially in terms of the length of time from the crime to the statement which came over 6 years later. I am, however, known to memorise and have been doing so from an early age. 

 

The false notes have made a mockery of the criminal justice system, and indeed any attempt to seek compensation. Why would the criminal compensation board award me money for the loss of a child, when doctors (who know all too well the reasons for this birth defect and surrounding circumstances) write that I had in effect killed my own child?

 

Further abuses went on at Airedale General Hospital. One abuse perpetrated on patients is to pump them full of drugs, they don't want. They did the opposite with me. They took me off all anti-depressants and watched as I became obviously more suicidal due to withdrawal from anti-depressants. When I checked with a GP as to how she would go about switching these two antidepressants, she clearly gave me two methods of how she would titrate one and taper the other. 

 

I then explained that what had happened to me was that I had no anti-depressants for 18 days. And she had little to say as she had already given how she would clinically deal with the matter. During these 18 days, I would clearly show signs of distress. My whole family implored all the nurses who would listen to us that this is not the way I should be treated and I was far worse than when I was admitted.  We were just fobbed off and told that this was necessary. It's not just not necessary, I now learn, that it's cruel and dangerous. It is obvious that taking a patient off anti-depressants is highly likely to cause suicidal ideation. I did not sign up for a clinical trial where all drugs are removed to observe effects and it is clear when you read the menacing notes and falsifications that observing my despair, was part of what they enjoyed. Causing obvious despair and observing it. While claiming it was necessary. 

 

One day, I went home and returned to find that hundreds of pounds of my possessions had gone missing. Not by patients, the staff had moved my things from one bed to another and decided they liked the look of some of my expensive clothing and also a brand new released video I had rented. They recorded their own theft on the notes, and it would appear while they might have liked the look of my clothing, no one could fit into my size 6 clothes designed for a woman who is 4 feet 11 inches tall, so they returned the clothes. But kept the rented video, which in those days if you could not return it would cost you handsomely. No apologies, nothing. 

 

I was offered no rape or bereavement counselling. As though, that horse had bolted so rape counselling would have no benefit, and it was my fault and my failure for not seeking it a year ago when I was unknowingly drug raped. 

 

I was offered Art Therapy only, a Freudian-based therapy I disagreed with and made me feel childish and uncomfortable. I was blamed for asking for therapy and it was written down that I was complaining about not receiving therapy when it was all my fault for not engaging with the wholly unsuitable therapy I had been offered. 

 

Dr Robert Kehoe, had a further dig, on the second and only other time I saw him. This time he said, "So was it rape then or a one-night stand?"  This was clearly done so as to cause such offence I would never darken his door again, which indeed I did not but U was blamed for not engaging with this disgustingly abusive monster. 

 

Instead of being correctly diagnosed as having PTSD, I like many other rape victims do not have the trauma I had suffered identified and labelled. I myself was labelled. 

 

I ended up with the same label many rape victims suffer, BPD which has now been pathetically re-badged as EUPD. 

 

Due to the appalling treatment and lack of treatment, I did my best to recover myself, but never really did. My eating disorders persisted for decades but were never treated as they were considered symptomatic of EUPD. 

 

On reading my notes from 27 years lies have been told about my non-attendance and lack of engagement when this rarely happened and it was just a case of throwing me off their books due to the stigma attached to EUPD.